The time is 10:10am, I select the picture I want to upload to Facebook. ‘Ahh, I think my family looks so cute in this picture but let me just edit it a bit’. I choose a filter; #swipeleft, again …. again. ‘Ok, let’s stick to the original, may be I’ll just add a light effect’. Perfect! Save. *It’s now 10:30am, aaaand, Post! *10:31am, hit refresh. No likes. Ok, let’s do some work. *10:35am, hit refresh. 1 like. Work, work, work. *10:45, refresh. 5 likes. OMW! Katy uploaded a picture of her toes 5 minutes ago and she already has 103 likes. FML! I am so unpopular!
What is it about the world of social media that can make an adult feel like Carrie at her prom? We’re constantly seeking the approval of others. The more likes I have, the more popular I am. The more likes I have, does it relay to the more liked I am? Surely so? Why else would I get the amount of likes I did? Maybe I am not such a nice person? Maybe I don’t have as many friends as I thought I did?
We need to evaluate things properly and not emotionally. Just because Alex has 2000 friends on social media, doesn’t mean he has 2000 friends in real life. Hey, for all we know, Alex could be a recluse whose only access to the world is through a social media window. The point is that because someone is popular on social media, does not make them more popular in the real world than you. It does not make them more liked or a better person than you. In fact Facebook algorithms are more the reason that Alex gets more likes than you, other than the fact that Alex is more popular than you 🙂
But in actual fact, there is a reason that we crave getting likes. I told a friend that I didn’t like posting pictures on Facebook because I didn’t get as many likes compared to my other peers. I felt so unloved. He laughed and didn’t get it. Of course it didn’t help that he was Mr. Popular. But there actually is much research out there on the impact of social media on ones self esteem and mental health. Getting likes on social media triggers areas in the brain and releases chemicals that makes you feel good. “The same brain circuits that are activated by eating chocolate and winning money are activated when teenagers see large numbers of “likes” on their own photos or the photos of peers in a social network, according to findings from a new study in which researchers scanned teens’ brains while they used social media.” https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/social-media-likes-impact-teens-brains-and-behavior.html#.WT2umOuGPIU
The more likes we get, the better we feel about ourselves. And if you get more likes than a friend who is on the same social level as you, then you feel almost like you’ve accomplished something, it is pretty rewarding. Similarly, while getting likes can boost your esteem, not getting likes can lessen your self-esteem. But sometimes the likes are not even attained through whether people actually like your picture/status or not. What I found more interesting was that In deciding whether to click that they liked a photo, the teenagers were highly influenced by the number of likes the photo had. When they saw a photo with more likes, they were significantly more likely to like it themselves. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/social-media-likes-impact-teens-brains-and-behavior.html#.WT2umOuGPIU. Those tricky algorithms again.
These studies may have been conducted on teenagers but I know that it filters through the age groups. The thing that we need to remember is that you should not measure your value on the number of likes you get. Sometimes your Facebook ‘friends’ would not even so much as greet you in real life. I have avoided in public, like literally avoided, people I have as a friend on Facebook. People will comment on your personal pictures like they’re your bestie, yet they won’t even say 2 words to you if they had to spot you in public. The same way people can be social media trolls is the same way that people are friendly to you in a social media space. We feel safe behind a screen.
The point is that, while the world of social media may have redefined what the concept of being ‘liked’ is, just because one has more likes it does not necessarily mean that they are more liked. Do not define your value on the number of likes you get. Do not measure your worth by comparing yourself with the likes that others get. You, are not your number of likes!
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