I doubt there is anyone who does not really desire to be happy. Ever since I can remember my mom has said to me, “I can live in a tin shanty, survive on buttered bread and tea but as long as I am happy, that’s all I need.” I guess happiness means different things to different people :). But I also think that the concept of what makes us happy changes too. I’ve also just prayed for happiness, that is my ultimate desire. But what is ‘happiness’ exactly?
In the pyramid structure of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, he identifies an individual’s needs as “physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem and self-actualisation’. The attainment of these supposedly makes one happy. Does it though? As I started writing this article I did a little research around the hierarchy of needs. Funnily enough came across articles with the same title, ‘The pursuit of happiness’, linking to Maslow’s theory. While Maslow did say that obtaining one need is not depended on fulfilling another first, does obtaining any of these lead to happiness? I do believe that we can be happy when we achieve these needs because I have yet to meet a happy starving person. Just really ‘hangry’ ones. I’m sure you have also heard someone say, “Dude, you just need to get some!”. This implies that one will be much happier once they’ve been sexually intimate. These are trivial examples but I do believe that the lack of love and sense of belonging is one of the reasons for breakdowns in society. Maslow is right in saying that these are elements that we need as human beings but is unlocking every element in the pyramid the ultimate secret to happiness or is happiness fleeting.
Is it in our human nature to keep setting happiness-goals once we have obtained the desired happiness that we initially wanted? We always say, ‘when I get my next job’, ‘when I get married’, ‘when I have kids’. Yet when we get to that ‘when’, we still are not entirely happy. That is human nature I guess. In this time of excessiveness and societal pressure, we are constantly striving to get more and to be more. This means that we are never satisfied when we reach that goal, we just set a new one. Thus, this “happiness“ becomes elusive.
So then, how do we obtain happiness? The answer is simple yet so profound. My college pointed this out to me recently and it’s the simplest thing, happiness is a choice. I have heard that a number of times but when she explained it to me, it made so much of sense. ‘Happiness is a choice’, because YOU choose whether or not to be happy. So I tried it. I had an argument with my husband and we were both upset, but then I chose to be happy. I didn’t sulk and bang and fling things (although he was a pretty tempting target), instead I started singing and was rather chirpy and soon we were having a normal evening.
Look this is not always possible in every situation, but in those that you can choose to be happy, choose happiness. Sometimes our hormones and emotions get the better of us. But take some time out to deal with the feelings and then choose. Do not dwell on the situation, because it will take over your mood. This attitude will make for a happier you and in turn a happy household. In the words of Bobby McFerrin, “Don’t worry, be happy”.
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